I Would Say Online Dating Is Less Fun Than Going Into Random Chat Rooms During The ’90s

After getting my new job as an executive financial advisor at the world’s — nay the universe’s– largest bank, I quit online dating. I needed to focus completely on my new job and didn’t want any distractions.¬†Especially¬†from men who claim to be 2-7 inches taller on their profile than on real life. But last week I decided I was ready to take the plunge and sign back online.

And luckily for me, my dating site was also ready for me to come back. Despite a lengthy account deletion process that made me click “yes” a million times to statements like “are you sure you want to delete your account?” and “deleting your account is forever, this decision is permanent and irreversible, are you double dog sure” the second I tried to create a brand new account, it informed that my email address was still active.

So I hesitantly typed in my old account information only to see this message on the homescreen, “we knew you’d be back!”

I’ve never said fuck you to a website before, but there’s a first time for everything.

And now that I’ve been back online for a full week, I’m remembering why I deleted my account. Not only because I needed to focus on my new job, but also because men online can be disgusting.

Just one of the lovely messages I got this week, the only context you need is that I make ONE A/S/L joke on my profile:

how you doing? and are you really on craigslist casual encounters? lol also does asl stand for anal sex lubrication idk what asl is lol i never been on the oregon trail but i had a lot of crazy adventures in the poconos :-P

Yes, one A/S/L joke turns into a message from a stranger about anal sex lubrication. It’s the opposite of charming and it’s the best PR I’ve seen yet to just log off and join a nunnery.

 

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