Families are VERY Fun!
Sometimes I forget just how crazy dangerous NYC can be. And that’s why I have my mother come up to remind me. From pickpockets lurking in my own elevator (you need to zip your bag up right now. NOW!) to taxi drivers swerving onto the sidewalk (you need to stand at least 10 feet from the street), there’s no end to the number of ways I can die living here. She’s one never-ending PSA on death and danger — and this year she had to PSA overtime because my sister is here too. Double the warnings from my mother, double the sass from my sister.
Despite the fact she’s 21, she reverts right back into Freaky Friday Lindsay Lohan “I don’t want you marrying my Dad teenage mode” when she’s around my mom. Which always weirds me out. Because I was never one to yell at my mom. I was one to go into my bedroom and write sad angst-y poems in my diary.
Around me, my sister’s a lovely young woman burgeoning with hopes and dreams and youthful college stories. Around my mom, she’s all “stop treating me like a baby” and “I’ll run in front of city buses if I want to run in front of them.” I mean, yes my mom is overprotective and neurotic and actively working to fulfill every Jewish mother stereotype, but so is my sister. (Let me clarify, she is not looking to be a Jewish mother, but she IS looking to be a total stereotype.)
I swear it’s like she studied classic “how to be an angry teenager” movies and channels those lessons whenever our family gets together. One second she’s charming and bubbly, the next second she’s knocking things off the shelves at Zabar’s because she’s bored. And while I usually appreciate unpredictability, I do no appreciate it when it comes to moody sisters.
Because the second she starts acting like that, my mom goes more into overprotective mode. Like a mother bear come to save her cub from the big bad city. Then my sister gets angrier. Then my mom yells at her to stop crossing when the don’t walk light is blinking. Then my sister runs across the street to spite my mom, snaps at her and sulks. Then my mom is all like “I’m sorry for loving you so much.” And then my sister is like YOU DON’T TREAT JENNI LIKE THIS. And then I’m like, whoa, whoa, why am I part of this fight now. I don’t get treated like this because I’m very old and very mature AND I own sophisticated blogger glasses.
And that same cycle repeated itself all weekend.
The only way to bring those two back together in peace and harmony? Write a blog criticizing both of them and wait for both of them read it and complain to each other that I wrote about them. (See what I did there Mom and Sister — I already predicted the angry voicemails and hence I’m home free when it comes to hurting your feelings.)