Archive for April, 2011

That’s What I Get for Not Wearing my Safari Hat

I like to think that I’m a very good traveler. I pack light. I put my liquids in a Ziploc bag. I bring ample entertainment. AND I never give into the urge to snicker at the flight attendant for their completely ridiculous blacktie-optional uniforms. Like c’mon. You’re serving me peanuts. You’re not teaching at a boarding school in the...

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Growing Up…Slowly…VERY SLOWLY

Like many suburban teenagers, I consider the day I got my license to be the best day of my young life. I eagerly backed my car out of the garage, narrowly missed hitting my neighbor, did not narrowly miss hitting my own house, and sped away About 30 seconds into my joyride (soundtrack provided by NOW 23) I realized that I had absolutely no destination in mind....

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I’m in a Complicated Relationship with the Nasonex Bee

I love seasonal allergies SO MUCH that this year I added eye drops to the daily “pollen-don’t-kill-me” routine I do every morning. First I take Allegra, then I pump Flonase into my nostrils, and now I get the added fun of putting eye drops into my eye sockets. If you’re not turned on right now, fear not. There are allergy fetish guys out...

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I Hope Lie Detectors Are In This Season

I lie when I’m supposed to tell the truth. And I tell the truth when I’m supposed to lie. Most people would call that “being rude.” I call it a great opening line for a stellar therapist-therappe relationship. So here’s the deal, I’m the second out of four children. While I’m the most scarred (3 scars, 2 weird body anomaly...

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