I Think A Nurse Hit On Me
Last week I went to the doctor to get my yearly physical. Considering that I have access to the Internet, this yearly check-up usually proves pointless. What can a doctor possibly tell me that Yahoo Answer cannot? But because I’m addicted to diagnosing myself with rare illnesses I head to the doctor each year in hopes he’ll tell me something exciting....
Continue ReadingWhen God Closes A Door, PC Richards Opens Up A 9-5 Window
I love schedules, spreadsheets, punctuality, reservations, watches, alarms and predictability.I like knowing when I’m going to be doing what I’m going to be doing it. If I was a smidge more anal retentive I could read train time tables for fun. That’s how much I love being on time. My good friends over at PC Richards live a little more spontaneously....
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I Would Say Online Dating Is Less Fun Than Going Into Random Chat Rooms During The ’90s
After getting my new job as an executive financial advisor at the world’s — nay the universe’s– largest bank, I quit online dating. I needed to focus completely on my new job and didn’t want any distractions. Especially from men who claim to be 2-7 inches taller on their profile than on real life. But last week I decided I was...
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I’ve Officially Been Foot Shamed
While everyone in the blogosphere’s freaking about fat shaming women, no one’s anywhere near concerned about foot shaming. I feel like it’s not even on the radar of things we need to worry about. Which is a crime because I just got foot shamed for the first time this weekend and I haven’t felt normal since it happened. Before you run...
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The Time I Accidentally Bought Pork Brisket for Passover Sedar
There’s nothing more mature and sophisticated than hosting your own Passover seder. It’s right next to purchasing life insurance and washing your bras on a semi-regular basis. Therefore I decided to host a passover seder in my apartment for my friends who were also family-less on the second night of the holiday. What I pictured in my head as a Martha...
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I Have Too Many Frenemies
As big as New York City is, it’s impossible to avoid the people you hate. While you might think that that the odds are very low of running into one frenemy out of 10 million strangers, it’s happens surprisingly often. One second you’re picking up new shampoo at CVS and the next second you’re kissing someone on the cheek that you went...
Continue ReadingThis Is Why I Hate Shopping
I made a huge mistake last week. One of incredibly epic proportions. And there’s no going back from what I did, mostly because I bought the shoes on sale and there’s a no return policy where I bought them. So last year I needed black flats in a hurry and I bought them from a cheap random store I found walking home from work. They were $15 and I figured...
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Kids Are So Stupid These Days
I learned at a very young age what conversation topics are appropriate for parents and which conversation topics aren’t. Somehow none of my three siblings ever picked up on this life lesson and therefore spend the majority of time with my mother trying to explain why their “skinny dipping with knives in the dark isn’t dangerous as long as someone’s...
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An Open Letter To My Neighbors
Dear Neighbors, I need you stop and I need you to stop right now. I’m sick and tired of coming home from a long day of work and having to smell your dinner. It smelling fucking delicious and it’s getting harder and harder for me to walk by your door every day like nothing’s happening. Like you’re not in there with a chef’s hat on,...
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In New York We Don’t Count Sheep, We Count Doormen
While everyone else could put on their satin pajamas and watch the Oscars half-heartedly last night, I had to work. As an entertainment blogger I not only had to watch the show intently, but I also had to take what I was watching and turn it into a readable blog and/or tweet. If the Oscars took place between 1:00 to 4:00 on a Sunday afternoon, this would be totally...
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